Written by Joe Peppercorn | 25 January 2010

Remember that part in Walk Hard, the Johnny Cash biopic, where Sam Phillips is auditioning Johnny Cash? Johnny plays a kind of corny gospel song without any feeling and then Sam Phillips is all like “hey Johnny, that kind of sucks, I need something to play for guys when they get run over by cars and die in gutters, cause that happens all the time and it is a huge market. What songs do you have that I can sell to guys dying in gutters?” And then Johnny pulls out “Folsom Prison Blues,” and while you’re watching it you’re all like, WOW! That is awesome! That song is awesome! That scene is awesome! That idea is awesome! I really dig that song, and I really dig that scene! Sam Phillips, you’re a genius! SUN Studios in Memphis is now on my bucket list! Then Johnny Cash joins a boy band with Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, Carl Perkins, and Justin Timberlake, becomes a star, your grandparents love him, you love him, everyone loves him, and you're thinking: 'good thing for Folsom Prison Blues, otherwise Johnny Cash would have flopped that audition and we would have never heard of him.'

Then, remember when you were listening to the Johnny Cash Live in Folsom Prison album? Remember when he sings Folsom Prison Blues (IN FOLSOM PRISON! LOLZ!) and he gets to the part where he says ‘I killed a man in Reno,’ and depending on the version you had, you either heard the lyrics as he sang em, or you heard a bleep out, and then the prisoners are all like “HELL YEAH! MURDER!” And then you get goosebumps because you realize that:

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OK, we all remember that, and all that stuff is awesome, and Folsom Prison Blues is awesome. But that doesn’t mean you should sing Folsom Prison Blues at the Treehouse Open Mic. It is by far, the most covered song at open mic; It has been played probably once a month the last four years (we are a potty trained toddler!), by at least 25 different performers, and people usually love it, and it really has to stop.

First off, the song is overplayed EVERYWHERE. A moratorium on the song is way past due. If you really like the themes and musical stylings of the song that much, pick up the album Mama Tried by Merle Haggard, or pick up any Merle Haggard album, and learn those songs. Merle did time at San Quentin and was there when Johnny Cash played, and his prison songs are all as good as Folsom Prison Blues, but nobody ever plays them at open mic. EVERYONE PLAYS FOLSOM PRISON BLUES. SERIOUSLY!

It’s not that your version of Folsom Prison Blues is bad, it’s just not nearly as good as Johnny Cash’s (which is awesome, especially in front of guys in prison), or Merle Haggard’s (Merle was in prison, and it wasn’t like the juvy correctional facility you went to in high school, it was all like Shawshank Redemption prison), and I know you’re trying to win the crowd over, but stop. The more you give the people what they want, the more they demand what they want. If people who come to open mic start demanding more covers they know, then the Treehouse Open Mic will turn into the Arena District Tavern Open Mic with nightmare Incubus covers and drunk girls talking loudly over the songs you wrote and practiced all week. Then people will start yelling ‘play freebird,’ which is like a racial slur against people who play music, as well as one of the least funny and least original things anyone can ever say in the world ever. We’ve got three years left to live before the world ends in 2012, and we don’t have a lot of time to spare, let’s play some songs that ARE NOT Folsom Prison Blues.

We all fall prey to Folsom Prison Blues, and I am no exception. I remember when I was working at Old Navy as a freshman in college (true confessions here), and there were several girls on the staff I was interested in. We would be breaking down boxes out behind Old Navy (at the Lennox shopping center), and there would be these night trains that would ride by really loud. I thought I was being clever and charming, so I would start singing Folsom Prison Blues at none of them in particular. This, in my mind, would have a multi-layered effect on the girls. First, they would be like ‘wow, he knows Johnny Cash songs, that’s what my dad used to listen to while he drank Drambuie and yelled at mom, this guy reminds me of my dad, I should marry him.’ Second, in my mind, they would be like ‘wow, this guy is spontaneous and not afraid to really mix things up and keep it interesting at this awful 6.50 an hour job, thank you God for giving him the awful idea of applying for a job at Old Navy.’ Third, in my mind, the female co-workers would be like ‘hey, he’s got a good voice (I don’t), he sings way better than my boyfriend does when my boyfriend sings Sister Hazel, Dave, and Matchbox Twenty (this was 1998), I should dump my boyfriend and go out with this guy. Fourth, I would be like ‘hey girl, you like my singing, you wanna go to Johnny Rockets and then go see Night at the Roxbury with me? Then we can go out and I’ll write songs about you.’ Of course, that is not what happened. I guess it worked a little: I went out on a ‘not really a date’ with one of the O.N. girls to Panera Bread (for lunch), and it was really horrible conversation where I just nodded my head and told her I had a soft spot for the movie Mr Holland’s Opus (ewwww, gross!). Then, when she said she really liked Savage Garden, I smiled and was like “oh, wow.” Then, when she told an awful joke, to which I should have replied ‘why don’t YOU finish my chicken noodle soup in a bread bowl, you’re horrible and I’m worse for singing Folsom Prison Blues to try and impress you, I have better things to do’ (I didn’t), but instead, I let my dignity take a hibernation and was all like, I LOVE YOUR JOKES! LOLZ, and then I was all like:

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My point is, dude, the fact that Folsom Prison Blues is a good song does not discount the fact that I SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN SINGING IT WHILE BREAKING DOWN BOXES AT OLD NAVY. Of course, I should not have been working at Old Navy, but this was 1998 and I didn’t have blogs like this to consult on life advice. So here is my advice, pro bono, I will wave the consultation fee: STOP PLAYING FOLSOM PRISON BLUES.

Seriously, write a bad song and play it, I do it all the time, and it feels great. Express something or cover a song that means something to you and doesn’t suck (I will be putting up a list of banned open mic songs in the near future), and make ART! Whatever, if Folsom Prison Blues really speaks to you like that, I am not gonna get in the way of you playing it. Stopping people from playing songs is extra work, and I get a flat fee for open mic irreregardless of what I do, so sure, play it if that’s what the muse leads you to. Just don’t pander to the crowd man, otherwise we will start to be horrible in ways we are not, in addition to horrible in the ways we already are. Let’s keep the Treehouse Open Mic as it is, in all of it’s awful glory, and let’s keep it a place where people feel comfortable to play the music they wrote, and where in general, people appreciate that guys and gals get up there on the designated carpet performance area and play the songs they wrote. I love it to death, I love hearing people play songs they wrote, you should too!